Sunday, June 14, 2015

Real Babysitters of New York

I may have spent the weekend in a game show/reality TV hybrid along the lines of survivor or BB where participants have to complete challenges.  I'm not certain because I haven't seen any cameras but I'm pretty convinced.

3.........

2.......

1...

BABYSIT

Day 1: 

First challenge: early mornings with 12, 8 and 2 yr old boys plus dog.  Everyone must be appropriately washed, fed, exercised and changed by 10am

CHALLENGE COMPLETE
You earn for your team (you are the only member) two huge coffees


Second challenge: Football match! 12 year old has his last game of the season, you need to get him in full kit to Riverside Park and 107th at 12.30.  To make this challenge harder you will be bringing both younger brothers.  We have removed the lift from the apartment building and sabotaged the pushchair so that the 2 year old must walk.  You must be on time, you must have water bottles, snacks and suncream for everyone and you must walk the dog just before you leave.

During the game you must try and get the 2 year old to rest a bit on your lap since there's no way he can have a nap in the pushchair.  You must simultaneously achieve this, watch the game and support the 12 year old, and stop the 8 year old from getting in the way of the teams practicing and warming up.  
If anyone gets sunburned, grumpy, needs the bathroom after you leave the house or hurts themselves you will incur a severe penalty to your team.

CHALLENGE COMPLETE
You earn for your team an empanada from the Ecuadorian food truck in the park (because the baby didn't want it)


Third challenge: Saturday afternoon on a searingly hot day - find a way to occupy all three kids 
TWIST
You only have to deal with the smallest one, the other two are going to Connecticut with friends and coming back at 11pm
Enjoy your quiet evening team.

DAY 1 IS OVER

Day 2:

First challenge: Wake up first


CHALLENGE FAILED
The dog barking woke you up
The baby was already awake and invaded the living room that is currently your bedroom
As penalty you will lose most of your sanity and your shower privileges


Second challenge: Kid's Birthday present.  You must walk with 8 yr old and 2 yr old to a sporting goods store and try to by a present for a birthday party 8 yr old will be attending later, with no knowledge of the birthday boy.  The 8 yr old also doesn't really know him either so you are going in blind.


CHALLENGE COMPLETE - purchased obscenely expensive football shirt, let's hope it fits and he likes football. 
For bonus points: Find a great card and show off your gift wrapping skills
BONUS CHALLENGE COMPLETE
You earn for your team a quiet spell in the middle of the day while middle kid is at party (transportation courtesy of another kid's dad), toddler is napping and oldest kid is watching TV with his friend.  Enjoy an actual full meal with nutrients and everything.


Third challenge: The remainder of the day.  You need to get the 12 yr olds off the sofa and outside.  
The two youngest children must come with you.  Still no pushchair.  It's still boiling hot outside at 5pm.


CHALLENGE COMPLETE - football in park with friends, no sunburns
Penalty incurred because a couple of kids asked if they could have water which you didn't bring (because there are fountains everywhere...hmm).  The penalty will be feeling the judgemental eyes of some other kids' mother.
You earn a bit of a tan and some muscle definition from all this schlepping around outside and carrying a heavy toddler up steep hills and several flights of stairs

Fourth challenge: Sunday night is a school night.  Everyone needs to shower/bath, eat a reasonable dinner, prep for the next day and be in bed on time.


CHALLENGE COMPLETE
Major penalties for: 
Giving in to kid's picky and labour intensive food requests just to get them to eat anything with a vegetable in it instead of just making them eat what they're given
12 yr old delaying bed time with myriad of excuses
The penalty will be spending two hours cleaning up the house instead of going to bed early

Bonus points gained for achieving above minimum acceptable number of dog walks for both days and for toddler not screaming during his entire bedtime process.  Also for getting the 8 yr old to take TWO (necessary) showers today
You earn for your team the season finale of Game of Thrones and some chocolate

DAY TWO IS OVER

TOMORROW IS THE FINAL EPISODE.  WHO WILL BE LEFT STANDING AFTER THE LAST AND TOUGHEST CHALLENGE?

  THE MONDAY MORNING SCHOOL RUN
                                                      
BABYSITTERS: ARE YOU A MATCH FOR THREE PEOPLE WHOS COLLECTIVE AGE IS YOUNGER THAN YOU?

FIND OUT TOMORROW ON

REAL BABYSITTERS OF NEW YORK


No comments:

Post a Comment